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Thursday, October 26th, 2006
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1:13 am - A new development......
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I was fucking fired today. I sort of saw it coming but not really. I figured with business being so slow, they would try to string me along as long as possible until they needed me again, but not actually getting fired.
I called this morning to find out if I was going to be working indoors or outdoors. It's been cold and I've been working my ass off to do sculpture maintenance. When I spoke to Doug this morning, he told me I would be inside, so I decided to dress comfortably. I stretched about 2 hours of work to about 4 1/2 even though I was there for about 7 hours.
I have never seen such a set-up in my life. Doug didn't even have the balls to fire me himself. Charleen called around 3 to find out how late we were going to be there. I told her that I was getting ready to leave and Sarah wasn't far behind me. She showed up right away. When she arrived, she said "I have some bad news for you." With all the sadness that's been happening in her life lately, (her best friend died, her cat has been sick, etc.... ) I thought it would be something that wouldn't completely effect my life. She said "Doug and I talked last night and we're going to have to let you go. You have done great work for us, but since business is slow and you two (Sarah and me) were the last to be hired, we just don't have enough work for you. We will give you sparkling recommendations and I know that anyone will be happy to hire you." She handed us our yellow slips and what would have been our bonuses. We made out our last invoices and when I asked when we should stop coming in, she told us tomorrow.
I know that things have been slow, but this is ridiculous. I have always done good work for them. I have been loyal despite numerous reasons to turn on them. So, as of today, I don't have a job. When it was time for me to leave, Charleen took my key and said "I guess a hug won't help." I hugged her but said that it wouldn't help at all and that I'm stressed out and don't know what to do now. She said that anyone would be lucky to have either of us working for them and that we could do better than working for them.
I wanted to leave, but I would have liked to have had a little bit of time to find something else. I've been looking and working on my resume, but I'm having a hard time getting everything out on paper. I haven't had to do this in over 2 years. My skills have expanded exponentially. My old resume is virtually useless now.
I think tomorrow I might try to go around to some of the local frame shops to find something until I find something better. I'm really worried about having some sort of income. The would-be bonus will hold me over for a little while, but I wanted to use that for something I would enjoy. Not rent or food.
To everyone out there, if you know anyone who needs some help with artwork, or needs some framing or wants to hire an over-educated, underpaid art consultant, send them my way. In the meantime, I'm going to try to be pro-active about this and possibly get my retaliation in order in the near future.
current mood:  distressed
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(12 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
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5:51 pm - If you don't feel like it, don't bother.
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Seriously, this is going to be another whining work post. I think I just need to rant and this is as good a forum as any....
- I've been doing sculpture maintenence for the last week and a half and seriously busting my ass despite the lack of support from my employer and the pain I've been having in my neck.
- I really wanted to apply for that job in Shelburne, but I think I'm probably overqualified for it and I've been physically working so hard lately that sitting down and writing a resume and cover letter seems like it will throw me over the edge.
- By not writing my resume I'm shooting myself in the foot because it's not going to get better.
- Mike and Johnny were talking about whether or not we're even going to get the bonus I've been counting on and sticking it out for. Neither of them thinik we'll get one this year because Sarah and I went over budget with Reader's Digest. Why am I sticking it out then?
- Doug has been nitpicking about everything lately. He has been calling Mike on Saturday mornings and after 7:30 at night about stupid shit like the position of a plant that I had to clean and whether or not we've been taking lunch breaks. I got a 5 minute lecture about a pair of scissors and a box cutter that are NOT to make it into one of the sculpture maintenance toolboxes because then he'll have to go out and buy new ones.
- Doug also cornered me after 9 hard hours of work yesterday to investigate a 15 minute discrepancy on my time slip and Johnny's. The next time he challenges me for 15 minutes of work on my timeslips, I'm going to offer him the whole $4 cash. Maybe that'll make a point.
- I've been driving stick somewhat sucessfully, but I still don't like it.
- Yesterday I singed my hair with the blowtorch.
- Today I got a ticket because Doug didn't get the truck inspected. It's not my truck, it's his. I shouldn't have to have my driving record tarnished because he's not paying attention. The cop also gave me a hard time about the truck not being registered as a commercial vehicle. I suspect that this is going to continue to be a problem.
- It is supposed to rain tomorrow which means a day off for me because I can't do sculpture maintenance.
I've been kinda hoping for rain even though I need the money.... I could use the sleep.
current mood:  exhausted
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
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11:53 am - When my job sounds a lot more risque than it actually is....
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Today I got to polish the crotch of Ben Franklin and had my hand up a nun's skirt.... Oh, my life is so exciting.
current mood:  dorky
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 1st, 2006
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11:55 pm
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Yesterday was good. I hung out with my grandparents for the afternoon. They are up visiting and I haven't seen them since before I went to Italy. They always make me feel better. I think my grandmother is my biggest ally.
Last night I was invited to the house of my old music teachers. They are married to each other. I've known them my whole life. Mrs. Zacko and my mom used to work together. They are amazing adventurous people that had a huge influence in my life. They have sailed across the atlantic many times in a 27 foot sailboat that they BUILT. They retired a year or two after I graduated high school and decided to spend a year in the Carribean and then cross the ocean again. They have been living in Seville, Spain on their boat in a marina and living the good ex-pat life. They are back now, temporarily because they bought a house in Arizona near her mother and are selling their house around here. They are having a really hard time with it, and I have to say that it's making me pretty sad that they're not going to be in the area every few years or so. I haven't seen them since my freshman or sophomore year in college.
They decided to have a dinner party for some of their former students. It was mostly my brother's friends. Even after having not seen them for so many years, it was just as if we picked up where we had left off. It was so good seeing them. Because my parents have been friends with them for so many years, I can't remember not knowing them. She took every possible opportunity from 2nd grade violin lessons through graduation from high school that she came to visit me in the hospital when I was born and that she remembers me "when you were this big" (holding out her hands.) They were the reason that I had big plans in high school to pursue professional classical music. They knew that music school would be a disaster for me and wanted to protect me from the horrible personalities I would encounter in that kind of a situation. They were always supportive and encouraging, and amazingly good teachers and musicians. I've really missed seeing them.
We ate pizza and drank wine and chatted for a while. It was so good seeing them. Their plans from now are to close on both their new house and their old house. Then they are driving out to Arizona and getting settled. They will then fly to Trinidad where their boat is getting some work and head for the Panama Canal. The plan is to get to Tahiti at some point. They are going to venture the pacific. I hope when I am older I can have the guts to do something so bold.
current mood: nostalgic
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, September 29th, 2006
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1:03 am
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| Tuesday, September 26th, 2006
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12:49 am
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Today I got the closest thing to a threat at work. Doug said to me "if you don't learn how to drive that truck, you're going to have to take a few days off because I have nothing else for you to do." For something new and different I'm pissed. I've been trying to do this learning how to drive stick thing. I'm open to learning, but it's not something I'm going to magically know how to do after two hour-long driving sessions. It's been 10 years since I first learned how to drive in the first place. It's really difficult for me to have to really think about what I'm doing, because I'm so used to doing things the other way. I need more practice before I can drive an hour away by myself on hilly windy roads in Greenwich, where there are too many expensive cars for me to hit.
I look at it this way: if I don't get more practice before I go somewhere by myself, I WILL crash. I really don't want that to happen, but I'm still in the panic-while-driving-in-the-parking-lot stage.
I'm really afraid for my job these days. Doug will never fire me. I'm too good at what I do and he needs me there. I know how to do things that none of my other co-workers (including Doug) know how to do. He will simply not have any work for me until it's convenient for me to work, which means I don't get paid. I'm freaking out about money when I have full-time hours. If I have to take a few days off, I don't know what I'm going to do. Bills need to be paid. I need to eat. I need to put gas in my car. It's getting close to the end of the month and I'm going to have to pay rent too.
I really need a new job. Anyone want to hire a hard-working, relatively cheerful, knowledgable art person? I need something new.
current mood:  annoyed
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(10 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, September 23rd, 2006
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10:25 am - Quick update
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I'm in Alfred, NY visiting my brother right now.
I finally got paid... on WEDNESDAY - a full week after I started begging for money.
I started sculpture maintenance on Thursday and got to work at the absolutely beautiful house of a little old rich lady that a well-known NYC school is named after.
I took yesterday off from work and rode up to Alfred with my parents.
Last night Jesse (my brother) and I got together with some of his friends and hung out. There was beer involved. We went to his friends' house and to a bar to play pool. We came back to his apartment and ended up playing Nintendo until after 4am with a bunch of his friends.
I don't know what's in the plans for today. I know he's got a lot of work to do and will probably cut us loose at some point, but I think the Corning Glass Museum might be in my future later on today.
I'm hungry and hung over. I wish Jesse would finish getting ready and my parents would show up so we can go get breakfast.
current mood: hungry
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| Tuesday, September 19th, 2006
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11:01 pm
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I still haven't been paid. I've been harassing my boss and his wife since Wednesday for a check. I found out that my account was overdrawn on Thursday. I had to borrow $30 from my mom on Saturday. I now have $5 to my name and a bunch of bills due. I finally got yellow slips today and immediately submitted an invoice, but when I asked my boss what the chances of getting a check today were, he said not today.
It's so frustrating because I haven't been going out. I haven't been shopping. I haven't been out drinking. I've been staying home, reading. This has been specifically to save some money and try not to spend so much. The chiropractor bills from my injury have erased that and the fact that my boss doesn't seem to think it's necessary to pay me aren't making it any better.
What he doesn't understand is that I live paycheck to paycheck. He makes more off my work than I do by a lot. My check go directly to what I have to pay at the moment and to feeding myself. He doesn't struggle like we do. I don't get paid enough to be able to be able to go several weeks without pay. Maybe if I was making double what I am now, that would be ok, but I'm not.
When he told me that there was no chance of my getting paid today I told him that I really need it. My account is overdrawn. I don't have any money and haven't for almost a week. I told him that this is gettine me into some deep trouble and he didn't even blink.
My co-worker was so pissed for me. She hasn't been paid either, but she said she has about $500 in her account, so she's ok. I could tell him that if I don't get paid by tomorrow, I'm not working until I do get paid, but I feel like that would somehow be shooting myself in the foot. If I don't work, I definitely don't get paid for that time.
I think this is making me crazy. I've always had money problems, mostly because I've never made a lot of money, but this is ridiculous.
current mood: pissed off
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, September 18th, 2006
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6:11 pm - The Art of Driving
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I forget how frustrating it was to learn to drive. Today my boss took me out for a learn-how-to-drive-stick lesson. His plan was to have me driving the pick up truck to sculpture maintenence jobs by tomorrow. Yeah. That's not going to happen. I COMPLETELY SUCK AT IT!! I seriously stalled the truck no fewer that 8000 times and made it jerk back and forth so badly that I swear Doug was going to fly out the windshield. Needless to say, I'm not driving tomorrow. I understand the concept. I understand what I'm supposed to be doing, but the reality of it is what's throwing me off. Wait, I can't just go? I can't just break? I know I'm going to crash into something inanimate.
It makes me think of learning to drive the first time around. This sparked some of the darker days of my relationship with my dad... before politics really mattered on a more real level than just keeping up with the news. We drove for hours around the Blue Hill parking lot. I learned to park. I learned how to back up. Stuff like that. Then I took to the road. That usually ended up with my dad screaming at me out of fear and me crying from frustration. Now, driving has become second nature and I don't even have to think about it. When I got my license, I wasn't allowed to have my brother in the car for about the first 2 years I drove because my mom wa so worried that if we got into a crash she would lose both her kids. My dad disconnected the fuse for the radio (or so he thought) so I wouldn't get distracted and kill someone.
Now I'm doing the equivalent with my annoying cheap boss. He wants me to be driving in the hilly, windy roads of Westchester and Greenwich CT and I don't see it happening anytime soon. With my luck, I'll knock over someone's sculpture rather than maintain it.
I'm not so thrilled about this switch to sculpture maintenance anyway. In the springtime it's great. It's getting nice out. You have a lot of sunny days to keep the sculpture warm (I know this sounds wierd.) and the weather will only get progressively bad. In the fall, I will be outside in the misty yuckiness with a scrub brush, a power washer and a blow torch doing my best to make these sculptures shine. It will only get colder and wetter. If the wax doesn't set properly and a strong wind blows, leaves will stick to it and I'll have to start over the next day.
Saturday night, the plan was to go to the Spiegeltent at South Street Seaport to see Man Man. We got down there and found out that the show was sold out. They told us to get on line to see if they were going to release any tickets. They released 20, but we were somewhere around numbers 25 to 30. No luck. So instead we Heartland Brewery beers from their beer garden and sat outside the tent and listened. It was a really nice night and hanging out on the pier was pretty cool even if we were disappointed about the show.
There is some talk of going to see Bindelstiff there on Wednesday. Anyone up for it?
current mood: frustrated
current music: Editors - Someone Says
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, September 16th, 2006
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12:35 pm
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So this weekend has already panned out to not be what I was hoping for and it's just another reason to be pissed about my job. The plan was to drive out to my grandparent's house with my great aunt. My Aunt Sis was supposed to have a tooth pulled and was a little nervous about leaving the house after that, but I figured I would go without her if she decided not to go. Yesterday, I left a message with my boss's wife asking for yellow slips so I could get paid. I haven't been paid in 2 weeks. I told her that I couldn't go out to visit my grandparents if I didn't get paid. She showed up several hours later, and when I let her in she said "I don't have any money for you." I have$20 in my wallet, my account is overdrawn and I don't know when I'll get paid next. I require some sort of regularity with my paychecks. My not really going out was supposed to save me some money, but the frequent trips to the chiropractor have cancelled that out. I don't get paid enough to be able to go for long periods without pay. It's not right for them to expect that.
I talked to Aunt Sis last night and she was still afraid that she wouldn't be able to eat with her tooth pulled. My grandparents have to go to a wake tomorrow, so it just wasn't going to work out for a visit this weekend. So I'm home with $20 to my name. I'm disappointed that I couldn't go out to Long Island and fly kites and go for a ride on the boat. It's too bad, but I'll try to make time to go another weekend soon. I'm overdue to go out there.
Today, I'm going to clean my house, do my laundry and read for a while. Hopefully, when I borrow some money from my mom, I can go to the city with Eric and go to a Man Man show in a circus tent. I haven't heard back from him yet. I guess it's good that I'm giving myself a chance to do all the things I've been putting off.
Last night I went to Olives to hang out with Rebecca for a while and found out that my old bandmate from high school, Dino, just moved in next door with his girlfriend. This is kind of exciting. I'm happy to have an old friend as a new neighbor. There was some talk of dinners and beers and just hanging out.
Well, I'm off to clean the bathroom.....
current mood:  productive
current music: Wedding Present - Spangle
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, September 15th, 2006
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2:40 am - Out of hibernation
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So I was convinced to come out of hibernation tonight by my lovely roommate. He told me I had to get my ass out of the house. So I had a few drinks with him and Rebecca. It was really good. I needed it. When I tried to leave, there was a martini waiting for me as a surprise from a newish friend.
I know I bitch and moan a lot, but I guess the people I do have here care about me. It's definitely time for bed though. I shouldn't be up this late on a work night. It'll catch up with me tomorrow....
current mood:  content
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
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11:26 pm - From the little cave of my bedroom...
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I think I've officially become a hermit. I don't know what it is other than financial crap, but my drive to go out isn't what it used to be. I haven't seen most of my friends in forever and they're starting to call to find out where I am. I think it's a combination of good books and no money. Now the good books are starting to run out, but the money isn't coming in any quicker.
So to continue my state of isolation, anyone have any good book recommendations? I'm looking for stories (true or fictional) that I can get completely lost in. I'm talking losing sleep here... Give me something good!
This weekend I'm most likely going out to Long Island to visit my amazing grandparents. I haven't been there in a while and I'm driving out with my great aunt. I'm hoping for possible kite flying with my grandma and going on Grandpa's boat. They help me stay sane a lot of the time because I think more than anyone else in my family, they are my greatest allies. My great aunt is a character. She's very funny despite the fact that she has had a lot of sadness and a lot of loss in her life. Her granddaughter is not really in her life right now, her husband (who never really treated her that well) just died, and her daughter-in-law is horrible. She has in a lot of ways adopted my mom as her daughter and me as her granddaughter. Since her husband's death a year ago, she is trying to do all the things that she couldn't do when he was around like go visit my grandparents. I think it'll be really good.
The weekend after that, there is a possibility I might go see my brother. I have only been to visit him once, and I had this weird infection thing and spent a lot of the time either in the hospital or fucked up on painkillers. So, hopefully this time I'll actually get to go see his new place, and meet his friends and get the real tour.
So, my dear friends in the New York area. I would really like to see you. My absence should not be taken personally. Urge me to come out. I think I just need a little bit of a push.
current mood:  indescribable
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
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12:28 am - I just made an amazing discovery.
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One of the cats in my house likes mushrooms!
There were 4 mushrooms sitting in a container on the counter when I was done cooking. When I went back into the kitchen to clean everything up, the container was empty. I found one on the floor but the container looked otherwise untouched. The other mushrooms are nowhere to be found.
Abby was sitting in the kitchen with a guilty look on her face.
Badly behaved cats are not the best thing, but that made my night!
current mood: amused
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, September 11th, 2006
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11:45 pm
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Things have gotten a little bit better.
Last night my mom sent me an email response, not even addressing everything I spent a few hours composing. She wrote that my dad "admited that he wasn't at his best" the other night and that she thinks he's open to making amends. It wasn't what I was hoping for. I guess I was hoping for some sort of response saying that I was absolutely right and that I should stick to my beliefs because that is a lot better than caving in. I guess that would be expecting too much though.
My neck feels a little bit better. I went back to the chiropractor today. He told me that I got whiplash from my fall. He did an adjustment, did electric stimulation and ultrasound and it felt better right away. Now I'm a bit sore again. I think this will help a lot.
current mood: sore
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2:23 am - This can't be right......
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| Sunday, September 10th, 2006
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8:38 pm
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6:40 pm - Shitty weekend.....
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This weekend was much less than what I planned. I don't know what's wrong, but it started bad and has been crappy ever since.
Friday morning I got up in a fog and got into the shower. Tom's cat Abby was in the bathroom with me and about a minute after I closed the shower doors, she started screaming. So I opened the door and told her it was ok and she quieted down. I closed the doors again and she started screaming again, so I went to open the door, and while I was doing that, I slipped and fell in the tub. I banged up my shin, then my arm landed on the rail for the glass door and then I was on my back in the shower. I fucked up my neck pretty badly, but i managed to get up and finish my shower and go to work.
By yesterday morning the pain was so bad that my dad urged me to go to the Chiropractor, who is a friend of his. Because I hadn't been to see him before, I had to have x-rays done and he wouldn't adjust me without seeing the x-rays first, so I just got some electro-stimulation on my shoulders. After a nap, I went to the storage locker to try to begin inventorying everything to give the list to the insurance company, but my allergies were too bad and my neck hurt too mcuh, so I went over to my parents' house. My mom offered to take me food shopping since it hurt to drive and I had nothing in the fridge but cream cheese and beer. It took quite a long time and by the time we got back, my dad was pissed that he didn't get dinner early enough.
My Dad's being pissy escalated to the point where he was on the war path. I am always the peace-keeper in the family and was doing my best to lighten the mood over dinner, but he was persistant to push my buttons. It started with a race joke (which was meant to be a pun, but at the same time upsetting), then started pushing the issue about how long it took us to go shopping. I was fuming. I tried to change the subject to ask about the new neighbors my mom met a few hours earlier. We talked a bit about the people who used to live in the house when I was little who were my first babysitters... an elderly couple with a dog and a few cats who loved me as if I was their own child. I asked where they were and found out they had both died. No one ever told me. My dad went on to say "They loved you a lot. They were very religious people. You don't like religious people." At this point everything had built up and I exploded. I yelled at my dad for quite a while. I called him a racist asshole. I told him that he had no idea about anything I believed in because I wasn't allowed to tell him because I had to keep the peace. I yelled about how maybe I'm an idealist, but I like to think that if I call people on their shit maybe I can make a difference in how they see the world. At least don't say that shit around me. I yelled that I want to know that my brother's great-great grandkids are going to exist because we haven't managed to blow up the world. I gathered my groceries and ended up a sobbing mess in the middle of the driveway.
My mom came outside trying to console me. She agreed that he was being an asshole and I happened to get in the way because he was hungry and decided to lash out at everything. I was frustrated to the point of tears. It turned into me sobbing about how much my job sucks and how much I hate Rockland County and want to go back to Vermont. I don't care if I have to get another job I hate that won't pay me anything, but I need community and I need people who will back me up when I call someone a racist asshole, and who have equally idealistic views of the world. I told her that I will not talk to my dad until he grows up and apologizes to me. She said that sounded reasonable.
This morning I woke up and there was an email waiting for me from my mom saying that my dad can't get past the fact that I called him a racist asshole. He wanted to storage locker emptied today whether or not it hurt me, and my old computer (which has a lot of my old information on, including my resume) will go out on the street if I don't pick it up tonight. (Somehow it ended up in their bedroom, which had nothing to do with me.) I tried to start writing an articulate email before I even had my first cup of coffee (which didn't work) and my mom called me in the middle of it. It resulted in me sobbing on the phone again. I'm still so pissed that I can't even gather my thoughts about it. I eventually managed to write a well thought out email and only felt better after talking to my grandmother. She has had arguments like this with him as well. She and I are very much cut from the same cloth. She told me that i always had an ally and could call her for cheering up anytime I needed to vent. That was the only thing that made me feel better.
I have not received a response from either of my parents yet, and am a little worried that it's not going to go over well. I feel defeated and frustrated and need to distance myself from all of this, but unfortunately I care what they think. I need a change.....
current mood: frustrated
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| Saturday, September 9th, 2006
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1:04 am
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So, last weekend I went up to VT!! It really was great. I miss that place so much, I can't even describe it. I wish I could find a job in my field that would pay me there and I would move back in a second. Em and I did a lot of fun things including drinking some beer, hanging out with Rachel and Erina, running into old friends, going to see Little Miss Sunshine, reading a bunch, going out to brunch, shopping at second hand stores with Brian, coffee with Gen, lots of chatting and hanging out.
It was so good to be there.
On my way out of town, I took to ferry to Port Kent and then went to pick up the granite for the Giacometti sculptures. I stopped at Ausable Chasm to check out the waterfalls.
I'm glad it's Friday. I needed another weekend right away. This morning kinda sucked. I got into the shower (already late) and my roommate's cat Abby was in the bathroom. She didn't want to leave, so I showered with her in the room. The moment I stepped into the shower and closed the door she started screaming. I opened the door to show her taht I was still there. When I closed it again, she started screaming again. The second time I tried to open the door my feet slipped out from under me, I hit my shin on the track for the door and then also hit it with the back of my arm. The next thing I knew, I was lying on my back in the tub. I'm ok. I scared the crap out of myself. I'm sore. I fucked up my neck and am bruised all over. I think tomorrow I'm going to my dad's chiropractor. Hopefully, he can help me out.
I think it's time for bed.
current mood: sore
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| Wednesday, September 6th, 2006
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12:33 am - I promise I'll write about how great my weekend was, but until then...
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Interesting.....
 | You scored as Either. You brain is neither specifically male, nor female in the way you perceive your surroundings. As bad as this may sound to some, it can easily mean that you are capable of combining both gender aspects to your advantage. Rather than being genderless you are possibly able think freely. This does not mean that you are bisexual or androgynous or indecisive, but it might.
Either | | 86% | Female | | 68% | Male | | 39% | Neither | | 14% | </td>
Should you be MALE or FEMALE?*
created with QuizFarm.com |
This was kinda fun...
( My Interests Collage! )
current mood: exhausted
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, August 31st, 2006
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12:23 am
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Dear Friends,
Please please urge me to get a hair cut when I'm starting to need one, rather than when I'm desparate.
Thanks,
Katie
I called my hair cutter last night to see if I could get a hair cut tonight. She is going on vacation, so that wouldn't have been possible. I was very quickly mulletizing and out of pure need went to a place in the mall.
The woman did a really great job on the front top and sides. I didn't realize until I got home that she didn't make the back even with the rest. I need to fix it and I won't have any time to do that until after I get back from VT.
I really wish I was better about calling further in advance.
grrrr
current mood: frustrated
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maxathousand's journal
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